when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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