So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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