Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize