guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize