Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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