Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
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we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
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Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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