i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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