hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
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I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I AM VODKA MAN
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alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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