It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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