and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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