At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize