the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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