Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize