Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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