dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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