I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
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all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
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Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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