I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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