I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize