dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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