did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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