Too much gin, very little bucket
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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