If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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