Where is the hickey?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
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You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
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If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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