please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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