We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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