I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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