he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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