If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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