just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
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I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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