I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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