PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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