I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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