I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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