3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
