Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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