he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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