Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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