life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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