How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
