can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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