You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
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Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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