he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
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The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
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We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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