I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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