how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize