Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
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I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
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Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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