you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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