words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
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He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
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I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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