I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
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Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
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How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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