maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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