If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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